I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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