i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
