Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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