the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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