his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
