i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
