The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
