I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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