i wish my penis had a tongue
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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