My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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