new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
