I wish I could teleport
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
