i think my tv is drunk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
