I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
