I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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