Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
