she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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