I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
