It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
