I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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