I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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