Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize