The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
