im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
