I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
