my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I lost the right to judge tonight
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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