i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
