I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
