Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
