you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
