I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it hurts more in the daytime
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
