I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Someone came in the potted fern
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
