Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
