it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
