It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
