no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
