All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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