If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
