Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
