So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
