Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
