So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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