Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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