It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
