you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
