I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
