Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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