Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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