youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
