I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
