Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
