so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
