I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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