It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
