i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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