Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
