That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
