I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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