The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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