Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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