and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
