i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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