i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
