Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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