Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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