I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
