Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
