We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
