She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I love you. Go after that dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
