He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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